Terrorists attack Starbucks!
A San Francisco Starbucks is closed this afternoon after police defused a bomb placed in the bathroom.Police received a call reporting a suspicious package at the coffee house, located at 1401 Van Ness Ave., at 1:15 p.m. The police explosives ordinance unit defused an improvised explosive device, or IED, around 2 p.m., Sgt. Neville Gittens said.
This is a direct threat to our way of life! Not only is 95% of the economy of the Pacific Northwest based directly on coffee shops, but if the terrorists can succeed in closing down the necessary and life sustaining facitilities we will be unable to face the rather depressing weather we have to endure here.
I call on President Bush to use all availible tools, including wiretapping everyone and the forced deportation of coffee haters to protect our way of life and our double mocha grandes with hazelnut.
I say we suspend habeas corpus, break out the data mining and blow right past FISA. Activate ECHELON. The Evildoers must be found and neutralized with extreme prejudice.